When I say I’m a Christian, I’m not shouting I’m clean livin’. I’m whispering I was lost, now I’m found. When I say I am a Christian, I don’t speak of this with pride. I’m confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide. When I say I am a Christian, I’m not trying to be strong. I’m professing that I’m weak and need His strength to carry on. When I say I am a Christian, I’m not bragging of success. I’m admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess. When I say I am a Christian, I’m not claiming to be perfect, my flaws are far too visible, but God believes I’m worth it. When I say I am a Christian, I still feel the sting of pain. I have my share of heartaches so I call upon His name. When I say I am a Christian, I am not holier than thou, I was just a simple sinner who received God’s good grace, somehow.

When I read this, I think about all of the mistakes that I've made in my life. I think about how sometimes I'm just not able to keep my head up because of how tired I am spiritually. I think about all my weaknesses and everything that I've been through in these past eighteen years that I've been on this earth. All the trials and sufferings that I've endured, and all the tears I have shed always leave a haunting memory. I've been through more than any child or teenager should have to go through. I've cried a lot and have felt as if there was nothing in this universe that could alleviate my pain. I've been scared to the point of no return. I've been there. 

However, there is only one that has always been there for me. He has seen each and every tear that has fallen from my eye. He was the one whose arms were wrapped around me, and protected me from the evil that is in this world. Whenever I feel like crying, I cry to Him alone because I know he hears my prayers. He knows what's in my heart. He knows what I'm going through and even though I'm incredibly broken, He has still blessed me so abundantly. I thank God each and every day for both the good and the bad because He does everything for a reason. He has a plan for each and every one of us. God is truly astounding in every way. 

I just had a feeling that I should write this. There are many people out there in this world that don't know God personally. They don't know Him for many different reasons. Whether they have different beliefs or just don't think He exists, they just don't believe. I know how it is personally, I didn't want to believe in God either because of all the problems that were going on around me. Whether you believe in Him or not, there is one thing you should know. He loves you. He always will. He's looking down upon you right now and smiling, and He wants you to come to Him. God is so good and so merciful. Whatever you may be going through, bring it to His attention. He can help you. Have faith in Him. I'm keeping you all in my prayers. Here's a thought to leave you with.

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. ~ Deuteronomy 31:6

Tabs <3

Hello my dear blog readers. I hope you all had a wonderful day filled with excitement and happiness as far as the eye can see. Sunday's always seem to be one of the funnest days of the week since one mostly relaxes. You get to catch up on your favorite TV show, read a book, play fetch with your dog, all those fun activities. In my case though, you can be sick and on medication which leads to writing something completely ridiculous and not remembering. I found it right after I woke up. If any of you are having a bad day, I hope this makes you giggle. If it doesn't, well then I promise I'm not insane and/or usually like this. At least not all the time.

I'm sick, yet again. This is rather depressing due to the fact that I haven't been sick in over three months. That is an all time record (at least I think it is, don't take my word for it). For the past three days I have been living off of tea, orange juice, air heads, and toast. Not the healthiest combination when all put together but when separated, taste much better and the carbs are spread out. Actually no, they aren't because they still all go down either way. Nonetheless! Air heads are fantastically amazing because they turn your tongue different colors. They also taste like rainbows and unicorns. I give a virtual hug to whomever created them.

This medication I'm taking is really disgusting. Has the person who created this actually tried it? My goodness. I bet he doesn't have a soul. Why would someone create something so disgusting? Sure, I mean it is to alleviate coughing, sneezing, mucusey stuff from keeping you sick and disposing it from your body, but gross. Especially the licorice flavored syrup. That's like committing suicide if you take that. I'd give you about two hours tops to live.

One of my birthday balloons is sad. I don't know why it's getting all droopy. I don't remember offending it in any way or calling it bad names. I've been nice. I'm a nice person. Well, at least I think I'm a nice person. I hope I'm nice. I'm nice, right? You don't need to answer that, rhetorical question. Maybe my balloon drank some licorice flavored syrup. That would explain it. Or maybe it just got done watching A Walk To Remember. Sad movie. Makes me cry every time I watch it. Ker-plunk.

Man do I hate those chihuahuas next door. I never did anything to irritate them and all of a sudden they want to murder me with their sharp little teeth. I fear them like there is no tomorrow. Why do they stalk me to the mailbox and back? I need to start making cat sounds at them. Or mooing. That would confuse them even more. Mooooooooo. I'm tired. Good nighteroon (afternoon and night put together) (because yeah).

Thankfully, I have awakened from my apparent stage of oddness and am on the road to recovery ever so slowly. I hope you all like what I've previously been writing. There also might be more to come? Yes? Possibly. Who knows. 

Sweet dreams world,
Tabs <3

The children were still sound asleep in their beds. You could hear their slow, gentle breathing as they were dreaming the rest of the night away. They grinned as they glided along through their wondrous adventures and said their farewells to whomever was with them. Hats were being tipped and curtsy's were made. Every once in a while you could see a tear rolling down ones cheek as the dream ended, afraid to venture back out into reality. However, it had to be done. Soon groggy eyes were going to begin opening and the blankets were to be tugged under the chin. Tired, but ready for the day ahead.

Parents are already downstairs, awake long ago. Mother is making breakfast in the kitchen with a song upon her lips. Her delicate voice is not to loud, yet just high enough for the waking children to hear it. Even when she is long gone, they will still be able to hear her voice emanating in their memories. Father is sitting in his rocking chair, reading the paper. He takes a sip of his coffee and slowly turns the page. You could hear the bacon sizzling, making it's own musical chorus throughout the house. The toaster makes a popping sound, it's work done. Pancakes are being flipped and orange juice is poured into colorful glasses that would  brighten anyone's day. The atmosphere is joyous and wonderful.

This is nature's cue to begin its everyday process. The grass is covered in a wonderful blanket of dew, as if someone sprinkled it by hand on each individual blade. There is a slight breeze that lightly shifts the trees from side to side, letting them stretch their trunks and ruffle their leaves. The flowers then fully open their beautiful petals and let their sweet aroma waft anyone that passes by, automatically putting a smile on their face. The birds slowly look out from their nest and blink repeatedly. They shiver a little and puff up their feathers, the breeze is a tad to chilly for them. The sun, still yawning and slowly creeping out onto the horizon, sweeps it's rays over the earth and let's it's warmth engulf everything it encounters. It's beautiful colors paint the sky. 

It is morning.

Have a wonderful day,
Tabs <3

Here I am, hugging Roger and drinking a huge cup of spearmint tea while listening to Mat Kearney's new album "Young Love". Which, if I do say so myself, is pretty darn amazing. A typical night. That's all that it is. However, it isn't.

Somewhere in this world, there's a boy and a girl on their first date. They're strolling along through the park and the lights are dimly lit. She looks like an angel in that lighting and his grin could make any girl faint. He's so nervous he's shaking and she's slowly falling in love with him even though he doesn't realize it. He's afraid to speak because he feels as if he's going to say the wrong thing. She's trying not to make eye contact with him because she will never be able to look away. They're both perfect for each other. She holds his hand and he smiles as his stomach fills with butterflies. 

Somewhere else there's a poor little boy, with holes going throughout his clothes and his sandals are duct taped together. He's never known what it feels like to eat a full meal and to have a comfy bed to sleep in. His parents just passed away and he has no home. He feels lost and the only remembrance he has of them is a dirty old photo that's stuff a patched up pocket. He has tears in his eyes and a prayer in his heart. He's wondering if anyone else in this world will ever be there for him. 

In another town not to far away, there's a girl who is hiding in her room. She also has tears in her eyes but her parents haven't passed away. They're at it again and she's hears something being thrown across the room. It crashes against the wall and she pushes herself more into the corner, scared for her life. The screams coming from downstairs are getting louder and she wishes she could just disappear. All she's ever wanted is for someone to love her. She wanted a caring family. 

Take a plane and a cab ride to your corner pizza place and there's an artist living above it in a dingy apartment and barely making ends meet. Bills are scattered across the table, the city lights are blaring in, and the neighbors just can't seem to turn down their TV. He doesn't care though. He has a smile on his face and is painting the sunset, filling himself with a form of happiness that some people live a lifetime searching for. It took a long time for him to get to this point in his life. This is his dream. He's finally free.

No night is a ordinary night, although it may seem like it. Some people are hurting and others are living carefree. Nonetheless, all of us are searching to become something. We want to achieve what is in our hearts. We want to live.

Good night,
Tabs <3

Yesterday was July 30. Many historical things happened on that day. Baghdad was founded, Vanuatu gained independence, and Jimmy Hoffa's disappearance. So many important things that it will make your head explode. Well, maybe not explode but it will make you go into shock. Okay, maybe not that either. The point is, it was an awesome day that should be commemorated for many different things. Another one was my birthday.

I don't usually make a big deal out of my birthday, even though everyone else around me does. Not very fond of presents (people have better things to spend their money on) or balloons (they scare me in the middle of the night when I see them floating around my room). Going out to eat with a group of friends and thanking God for the fact that He has helped me throughout these years is usually what I do. Sure I do believe it is a rather important event (it's not everyday that you get to celebrate when your popped out into the world all slimy and confused) but I just don't go all out. I spent the day at the mall with my dad who bought me large amounts of sugary goods and we giggled as we avoided those pesky sales people trying to spray you with their toxic goods. Nonetheless, the day passed by very quickly and painlessly. It didn't even feel like a birthday.

Here I am, eighteen years of age, and it seems like only yesterday I was a little girl being dared by my neighbor to eat a worm. Those were the good days. However, I am starting college in about a month and am driving like there is no tomorrow. Yes, I finally summoned up the courage to drive. I took one driving lesson with a guy named Joe whom I very much like. He was a fluffier version of me in male form. He said I was a natural so a couple more weeks of driving and then off to get my license. I've grown up so fast! I feel some tears coming on. 

Time for me to go and barf from this iced tea I'm drinking. It has the most horrible after taste known to mankind but I really can't stop myself from drinking it. It looks so incredibly appetizing but it's a trick. Don't trust really cheap tea. 

Maybe just one more drink,
Tabs <3   

Sometimes I think about the person that I've become. I think about how I got here in the first place. I think about why I act the way I act and why I do the things I do. I think about who I'd be if I hadn't done something or maybe not have attended some event. What if I hadn't have been there in that moment. What if I had been somewhere else or spoken to a different person, would my opinion on life and the way I visualize things be different? Would I be sitting in this rather uncomfortable chair hugging Roger my pillow pet and writing my thoughts away to the world? Would people see me from a different point of view and say to themselves, "What happened to her?" 

Maybe we all ask ourselves these questions, but they are usually asked when they are least expected. Sometimes there are really good to be asked so you can have some assurance in your life that maybe you need to follow a different path and maybe make some changes. However, most of the time they cause stress. We believe that if we would have done something differently or possibly acted nicer toward a certain person, everything would change. If that one day or moment hadn't have happened, we would be a better person. I know I tell myself that sometimes. It's a bad habit that most of us need to break out of. 

I want to tell you something. We are better than who we were. You read me? We are who we are truly made to be. You know that one event I was mentioning that probably would have changed the course of your life forever? It's in the past. This is the present. Don't even think about what has happened. Life always moves on. It's moving on right now. So what are you going to do about it? You are going to love yourself for who you are. You're going to give yourself a big hug and scream at the top of your lungs, "Self! You are amazing!" Do it. Right now. Have confidence in everything that you do and always be strong in every action you make. Have faith in who you are. Don't ever doubt yourself based on who you used to be. You, are amazing.


If you might have noticed, I squeezed in the little bit of information that I am now the proud owner of a pillow pet (courtesy of my best friend). He is a turtle and his name is Roger. Roger says hello. His soft plushness stole my heart immediately. We both have a long night full of movies ahead of us so I bid you all farewell. Have a wonderful night and don't forget to hug yourself before you head off to wherever your dreams may take you.

You're pretty,
Tabs <3


 

I'm not one for guys. When I see a decent looking one, I acknowledge his existence and maybe take a couple more glances, then move on. Of course, I am guilty of having a couple of celebrity crushes. Leave me alone. There is, however, something referred to as "Deep Regret". Adam Young, an amazing singer and blogger, mentions this and every time I read it, it makes me think of him.

This happened about a year ago. It was about 10:00 PM and rather chilly outside. My father and I just got done playing some tennis so we stopped by Wal Mart to grab something to drink and maybe just hang out a little more. We parked the car and started making our way toward the entrance. I remember I was kicking what I think was a bottle cap (I can't remember) and I had my hands shoved into my pockets. He looked up from the ground at the same time I did. He was walking out of the store and headed in my direction. He had messy blonde hair and was just a couple inches taller than me. He had on a pair of worn out jeans and a plain white shirt. He was surrounded by his friends who seemed to be talking to him, but he was looking right at me. My dad was telling me some story but I didn't hear any of it. Suddenly he smiled and I died inside. It felt like someone just smacked me in the stomach with a bowling ball. I couldn't breathe. My knees got wobbly. My mouth went dry. I felt like I was about to faint. I attempted smiling back but it probably looked like I was choking on something. We both waked slower as we passed by each other, and suddenly one of his friends yelled, " Hey man! Hurry up!", and my dad scolded, "Why are you walking so incredibly slow? Come on, I'm thirsty." I opened my mouth to say something to him but nothing would come out. He grinned as if understanding what I was going through. I slowly started walking backwards into the store and he did the same until he reached his friends. I haven't seen him since.

I don't know what his name is. I don't where he is from. I'm not sure if he has any siblings or what his favorite color might be. He was a complete stranger but yet I know in my heart that I will never forget him. Wherever he might be, I hope he's happy. I hope he's fulfilling his dreams and painting smiles on everyone that surrounds him. I'll be praying for him. If he reads this, then I want to tell him one thing. My names Tabby.

Alright so I know this is my second post of the day but I just realized that July 1st was my one year anniversary with my blog. Corny, I know but this is an important date. I'm just rather stunned. This one year went by so quickly that it's just insane. I wish I could give my blog a huge hug and maybe even a gift but that would be a little awkward. I mean, we haven't even hugged yet so we should start off slow. However, this is what I posted on July 1, 2010.

It's the first day of July, and this summer seems to be going by even slower than I thought it would. Less time out of the house, and more time stuck at home. I'm not sure that there is technically a good side to this ordeal, except for the fact that I'm REALLY getting caught up on my reading, since i have absolutely nothing to do. Other than chores and working on summer homework, life's becoming a total bore stuck here in my itty bitty room that's about 10 degrees hotter than it is outside. Thrills. This is when i really wish summer would go by quickly so i can see fall again, those beautiful leaves and overcast skies. Oh how i miss them. Well, it will come soon enough (: hopefully, quicker than i expect. 

The upside to summer is the beach though. Ohh my goodness! How i would kill to be at Bodega Bay at the moment! Wouldn't you?

Wow. Interestingly enough my room is still as hot as it was then  and I really can't wait to see fall. I miss Bodega Bay more than ever and chores still come in abundance. What an exciting life I have. Anyway have a wonderful night everyone. Make a wish on a star for me.

Tabs <3

Technology is a huge part of our lives. I mean with cell phones, iPod's, computers,  and whatever else there is, it's just insane. It quite scares me actually.  Not only due to the fact that this world is getting more technologically advanced each day that passes, but also because anything that is electronic just completely hates me.

Everything electronic that I haven't worked with for a while just spontaneously decides that it doesn't want to work for me. And me only. It has me so utterly confused and rather sad.  Let's say for example that I pick up someones touch screen phone and I would like to just examine it. I'll turn it over a couple times and maybe even press a couple of buttons. The phone will not like this and it will either just die or turn off by itself. It's true. Disturbing, isn't it? It's like I have some really weird force that tells any electronically powered thing to back off. Maybe I just have something stuck between my teeth. In which case I must check my teeth before using someones electronic device.

I've been in super writer mode for the past couple of days which hasn't happened in a while. I'm back to writing on anything I can when I spontaneously get an idea (I pretty much mean anything, it's pretty frightening) and I'm taking more pictures than usual. I guess summer tends to bring out the artist in me. Will I share any of my photography or writing with you? Possibly. I actually somewhat shared one of my writings in my last post about dreams. If you stalk me on Twitter than you'll probably see my photography every once in a while. If you don't, then here's a peak.

Yes, I love flowers with all of my being. I actually sniffed those rather profusely after I took the picture. They smelled amazing. I'll take a sniff for you also the next time I pass by them. I'll also tell them hello if you like. That's also a glimpse of the California weather.


I need to get to my nightly yoga routine (Yes, I do yoga. Don't give me that look.) and then probably fall asleep to who knows what probably another Charlie Chaplin episode reel. However, there's also the fact that it's a beautiful night and the stars are just waiting patiently to be looked at. I might even see a shooting star. Oh how wonderful that would be.

Mmmm tea,
Tabs <3

 

I love the feeling they give you. The reality that you are going into a completely different world. Sometimes you recognize the people you see, and sometimes they're complete strangers ready to accompany you through whatever blissful enchantment you find yourself being apart of. The scenery could be exquisite. You could be in a mansion wearing something that would take a year's worth salary to pay for, or in a jail cell waiting for your death sentence in a pair of torn slacks with a moth eaten shirt. You can have the ability to fly and glide through the clouds, feeling them brush against your skin as softly as silk. You can hear the stars whispering in your ear as you pass by and watch the moon as it tries to lull to sleep those who are still awake with it's gentle glow. Anything can happen.

Dreams are all our own. We can interpret them how we may, replay them in our minds over and over again, we might not even remember them but they still remain as they are. Nothing changes. They excite us and upset us. Sometimes they even awaken us with a fright. However, they are still there. They're preparing themselves right before we slip into unconsciousness. They tidy up the flaws and wipe clean any mistakes there might have been. They get ready for our watchful doze and our sleepy laughs as we make our way through another adventure. Sometimes we also dream during the daytime which is the only time we can contort our dreams into what we want them to be. Into what we see them. Dreams have so many different possibilities that expose themselves to us, that they are just confusing sometimes. However, we just can pull ourselves away from them.

There's this great book I read a while back. I read it on my iPod (I know tsk tsk, but it was free) and I still can't get enough of it. I've read it a few times now and the more I read it, the more I envy the fact of how wonderful it is. I wish it were real sometimes. This book is technically based on a dream and it is about children. What is this book you may ask? Well my dear blog readers, it's called Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie. That is one of the most amazing books I have ever read. It gives so much insight into dreaming and how our mind works that it just astounds me. Here's just a little piece of this amazing book, and I will bid you all a wonderful night.

If you shut your eyes and are a lucky one, you may see at times a shapeless pool of lovely pale colours suspended in the darkness; then if you squeeze your eyes tighter, the pool begins to take shape, and the colours become so vivid that with another squeeze they must go on fire. But just before they go on fire you see the lagoon. This is the nearest you ever get to it on the mainland, just one heavenly moment; if there could be two moments you might see the surf and hear the mermaids singing.


Farewell,
Tabs <3